I Wanna Be A Teacher

I Wanna Be A Teacher

This is a short story I wrote for my graphic novel class. It’s supposed to be a flash fiction, but this is based off what I get to see with my niece. I figure I owe her this much in being a constant joy.

We sat in the library. There was a little clubhouse area to read in; it was covered in Halloween décor. Audrey kicked her feet over the side of the bench as I read to her, but her focus was elsewhere.
“I want to go to the board.” She said pointing. “We can go after our book.” She smiled and nodded, now giving her full attention.
We read of fall, of festivals, of pumpkins, and of love. When we finished, she hopped off the bench and went straight for the board. She grouped all the magnets by their color. I stood next to her, lining up numbers from zero to nine placing them just slightly out of her reach. Then she told me to sit down, and with a smile said,
“I wanna be a teacher!”

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Time and Space – Microfictions

Time and Space – Microfictions

These 7 microfictions are my own. I didn’t know what they were up until this point and I never knew how they could make me feel. I feel like writing these could release a lot more of the stress I built up if I could express it in words. These are things I could never say out loud. They would get choked up in anxiety and doubt. I have always been much better at expressing myself through words, it’s something I’ve been complimented on and I’ve never taken it to heart. I never thought I was good enough, but this is something I can share. It’s mine, but I can share it. A lot of these are based off of true events, a couple are based on what I feel when I listen to certain songs. Imagination can really hurt you in times of searching for inner peace and finding it in your deen.

Here are 7 microfictions:

The last time I saw her she smiled.

By that time, I had watched the rain come and go. I heard the thunder take its dominance and watched as lightening showed me a glimpse of heaven. I wanted it to stop, the pain, but I had no idea what the pain was. Going inside, I forgot you, even though you never existed. You were never real, you were never mine. At least it stopped raining.

And then… the sun peaked out.

I had never been in love before.

I never felt emotions before.

“What’s not to love about you?” The message came at 1:23 pm. Standing in an elevator huddled i the corner trying not to take up space. It’s not the time to think about it. Re-read it. 1:41 pm, a deep breath, an inhale almost close to a gasp. Fingers flying like they were waiting their whole life for someone to ask. A somber smile, she believed it all to be true. Unleashing the flood gates of all the undesirable traits built up and discovered over 25 years. It’s 1 pm, time for therapy.

Flowers grow, so can you

Refresher

Refresher

Greetings and salutations in the language of love and light.

 

I come to you all after a  nine month hiatus. I thank those who continued to stick with me and continued to follow my blog, may you take any benefit in what I write. I wanted to share a brief update of what has happened in the months that have passed, but I will do that at a later post.  This is just to let you all know that I am indeed active.

 

With that being said, I am excited to use this platform as a means of true reflection and not just posting on Facebook. So, I thank you again for sticking with me.

Completion

Completion

As salamu alaikum and good evening!

 

A few days ago, I finally finished Purification of the Heart, a commentary by Hamza Yusuf. While I read it sporadically, all of it made an impression on me. Each deflection mentioned I found in myself. I made sure to find it within myself even though my first thoughts were how I had seen them in other people. I did not read the book for others, I read it to gain benefit of how I can change inwardly to reflect my outward self. Insha’allah, I will make a post about which deflections really stood out to me and how they affect me. Possible even list all the key stains that one can possible have on their hearts. While that post may be coming, do not let it deter you from reading the book yourself as it is a wonderful piece by the Shaykh.

In the mean time, while that post is still in its progress, please find it, borrow it, buy it however. Make it yours in possession and really take time to read and absorb it.

Children

Children

As salamu alikum and good evening,

Today I went to the grocery store, all to my embarrassment because I didn’t come prepared at all. Any other day I would have felt awful, I would have sulked, but today I had someone special with me. My little niece, Audrey, came with me and I put into practice everything I have ever wanted to experience in the event I ever had children of my own. There was  not “don’t touch that”, or “put that down”. Rather, there was, “well, what is it?” and “why do you want it?” I asked her a lot of questions that inspired her to ask me more questions back. It was learning for both of us. But the most important part of our adventure was the grocery store music. I don’t really pay attention to the radio of modern music as much as I used to, but this pop song came on and she started doing this wiggle. I thought she had to go to the bathroom at first, but then she put her hands on the floor and started spinning- her interpretation of break dancing. Naturally, I danced willy with her.

It was just us in the aisle. Dancing like a couple of silly fools, paying absolutely no attention to those walking past us. Finally when the song went off, a man came up to us laughing and said ” that was beautiful” and walked away. It was simple. It was fun. It was carefree. We engaged and we laughed. Most people would frown at how “dancing is haram”, but children are children. It is okay to just be and have fun for even a small moment of your life. To ask questions, to look and to hold things you cannot understand. All within the realm of the halal of course, but still have the child’s aspiration. Inquiry and intrigue.

Bask in those simple things. The things that matter the most happen then.

Relaxation

Relaxation

As salamu alaikum and good afternoon,

 

I have been off the past few days and took it to taking care of myself. Which ended up being lazy, but maybe we all need lazy days. I noticed in that time, that I was lonely. I was not in need of company or friends, but it was an inner loneliness.  Something that only I could change. It was almost like being alone with myself sets me on edge, but not in a way that suits with my depression; it was more of a void.

We all need to make changes within ourselves, and as much as I remind myself of this, I never do it. Making changes to yourself can happen over night. You can want to change how you are and how you live. You can be fed up with how things are going. Not everything can change, but you can instantly change the way YOU are.

This was only bought to my attention more because of an anime I have been watching (If I haven’t mentioned it, I love anime). In the first few episodes a girl, with the influence of a friend, realized that her friendships are not real friendships, but “fake friendships”. She analyzes their interactions and how she truly feels  about them and finally addresses the matter. Even though she is hurt at first, it gradually works it way out in the end and she finds herself as well as the true friends she wants and needs.

I think we, including myself, spend so much time worrying about everyone else and how they think of us, we never take time to truly ask ourselves what we think about our own selves. We don’t reflect. We don’t speak up out of fear of hurting feelings. But what is more important that your own sanity? How can you achieve your dreams if you are too busy worrying about someone else’s?

Reflection. Reflection. Reflection.

Even life long friends need to be cut off at some point. Find your true potential and live up to it. Let God guide you to something you never even dreamed about. Be strong and stay true to your morals.

Be blessed and be safe.

Seeking

Seeking

Assalamu alaikum and good evening,

 

Today I went to the masjid. I haven’t been to a masjid in such a long time. I have gone, but never willingly wanting to go. Today I had a goal in mind. I spoke to the imam, I overcame my fear of being in a crowded room and I prayed dhuhr. The janaza there should have reminded me about death, but instead showed me togetherness. I found two sisters whom I had been searching for in my heart, but never managed to find. Both in the same room, standing next to each other. Alhamdulillah how that works! I stood outside the janaza for nearly 5 minutes waiting for the crowd to die down, and if I would have waited a moment more, I would have missed them both. Allah does work in such mysterious ways.

 

The imam and I spoke about my past bouts of depression and how to move forward with them. The more I look into learning more about Islam and taking it seriously, the more I hear the words “scholar” and the more I fear from it. I don’t want scholarship due to the fact I do not think I am worthy or willing of it. But only Allah puts those in ranks whom He deems and if it is for me, then so be it. If it is not, then at least I have the knowledge necessary.

To think that all today started with was a tension and a shower. Daily actions that slowly grind the gears. Allah gives us only what we need. He gives us these small reminders that He is there. He never leaves us.